I Just Wanna Be A Girl!

Recently I spent a very memorable afternoon mostly in silence. I'm someone who enjoys hearing people talking. I like to listen to what people have to say.  That afternoon, however, I experienced a lot of beautiful things in silence. I realized that silence was beautiful. Silence gives way to many beautiful experiences. There are things that really can't be expressed in words. As they say, actions speak louder than words, and actions are most profound in silence, without words to draw attention away from them. Affection, for example, can't always be expressed in words. A hug can mean more than a verbal declaration of love or care.  On the flip side, silence can also express negative emotions. Silence can express displeasure. If someone is quiet, we assume that they are upset. If someone doesn't talk to us, we assume that they are displeased with us. Silence is quite powerful. Silence also is a tool through which we can find inner peace. We can take advantage of the silen...

When you see the word Wattpad, you probably think of an amateur writer. You probably think of someone who writes fanfiction. I, however, had a purpose when I started to publish on Wattpad. I had my own original work that I worked on for months. I had a children's book all written and ready to go. I felt like my work was ready to see the world. (Yes, I knew that a 12 year old wouldn't be on Wattpad, but I had to start somewhere, didn't I?) However, I didn't have a way to get it published. There was a phase when I read Wattpad regularly. Now, I finally had something to contribute. I decided to start proofreading and publishing my work.  My work was meant to be a children's version of a supernatural story. The world of supernatural literature is A-rated, but there are kids interested in it. That's what inspired me to write. I wanted to write something that was age-appropriate for a child of about 12 years of age.  A friend of mine was the one who gave me the final ...

A couple of days ago, I was addressing my juniors about 'ethnic walk' which is pretty much like a fashion show. When I was talking to them, I was thinking about what it gave me. I thought about what I gained from the experience.  First of all, it gave me confidence. For years, people had teased me about the way I walked. People always said my walk was weird in a way. Here, I saw that the way I walked could be used for something. I learned that it wasn't something to be shy about. It also gave me an opportunity to try something new. No one judged me when I made mistakes. People were patient as I learned. They took the time and effort to help me out.  Second, it gave me a group of people who I could count on. A group of people who made me feel safe. It's rare to find one person with whom you feel safe, but a whole group of people... that really is something. When I say safe, I don't mean physically - thought that definitely is important as well. I mean emotionally saf...

Can you really expect anything from someone else? Do you have the right to do so? Can you meet someone else's expectations? What do you do when someone expects something and you are so sure you can't deliver? You feel like you can never live up to what they ask of you - even though it's something that they really need.  Let's look at having expectations first. I think it depends on who you expect things from. You need to make sure that they are okay with you placing expectations on them. I, however, hate expecting things from anyone. In the past, everyone I have expected things from - no matter how simple - has let me down. A part of me just shies away from depending on anyone for anything. I only ask for things if I absolutely need them. But, in the end, it's not a surprise to me if I am disappointed. The main idea is not to expect too much. If you do, you are just setting yourself up for hurt. Ask yourself if it's worth it. If it is and if you truly believe th...

The inspiration for this post actually comes from two of my professors. For the sake of their personal anonymity, let's call them Professor A and Professor B. Professor A was telling the class a story about Professor B's first day working in college. So, Professor B was waiting outside the department room while Professor A noticed that he had been standing there alone for quite a while. Professor A invited Professor B inside the room and offered to give him some company. Later, Professor B thanked Professor A for his company and said something along the lines of "You didn't let me feel lonely," in gratitude. (Please excuse me if I didn't quote the sentence exactly.) When I heard this, I was reminded of a couple people in my own life who have never let me feel alone. These people remind me that I don't have to do everything on my own. They make sure I don't get lost - metaphorically. These few people make things worthwhile.  I consider myself very lucky...

When I was listening to this song, I was thinking of what story the song was trying to tell. This is my interpretation of what it's narrating.  So, the protagonist and narrator is a girl who's trying to get with this guy that she likes. She's been working on it for quite a while now and things are just right (finally). Out of nowhere, another girl enters the picture and steals him from the protagonist. The protagonist underestimated the woman she was competing with. Similarly, the other woman didn't know how much pain she was going through when she appeared out of nowhere.  The protagonist goes on to tell the object of her affection that the other woman is a fake. She believes that the woman should know that "stealing other people's toys on the playground won't make you many friends." This woman looks down at the narrator. She considers herself higher and better than the narrator. She thinks she's crazy. But, in the woman's defense, the narrato...

Self-harm isn't just cutting yourself. It could be not looking both ways while crossing the road. It could be skipping meals. It could be not caring what you put in your body. It could be driving recklessly. What I'm trying to say is that self-harm isn't always explicitly visible. It could be as discreet as neglecting your needs, like sleep or food.  What we have to think about now is why someone would want to harm themselves. Obviously, they aren't going to tell you if you ask them. The worst part is that you can't always tell when someone is harming themselves. You can't see scars, or they might be hidden somewhere.  What can you do to help someone who has this habit (for lack of a better word)? Is there anything that can be done? Sometimes, people think that physical pain is better than mental or emotional pain. Or that it takes the edge off the pain that their mind is. No matter how much you tell them not to hurt themselves, they aren't going to listen t...

Anticipating something is kind of a rush. Isn't it? I start my second year of college tomorrow. Honestly, I am waiting eagerly for what the year holds for me.  I know there will be a lot of downsides. The biggest one is that I won't have my best friend by my side if I ever need anything. I won't have my favourite seniors who I turn to for advice. I won't have the guys who helped me settle into the college. I won't be able to have them at my back or by my side if I need help. Everything I see will remind me of my best friend. Everything I do will remind me of the memories we made together. That part is going to be hard.  I know I won't be alone. I know that they are just a phone call away. I get to do everything I did with them, without them, and find out just how I fit into it all individually.  What is it that I am actually anticipating then? I'm not totally sure about that myself. I guess I want to keep learning about who I am. I want to make my seniors pr...

I was watching the All Too Well short film, directed by Taylor Swift when this thought struck me. Sometimes, there is a line that shouldn't be crossed. It might seem small to you, but once it's crossed, there's no going back from it.  There was this scene where the couple on screen were fighting. The guy asked her for her forgiveness and she accepted. But, look at the lyric that followed that scene. "And I know it's long gone and there's nothing else I could do. I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to." Take a moment for the lyrics to sink in.  It doesn't matter that there was an apology or reconciliation. There's no way that they are going to look at each other the same way. They might share intimate moments again. But, it doesn't really matter. There's a break in their relationship. Things aren't going to be that easy again. The level of trust they place in each other won't be the same as before. There's alway...

This is just a random memory of mine that I was reminded of recently. It's about a day at my school. I was in 9th grade... so around 14 years old when this happened. I was pretty well known. My friends were all on the student council... like house captains, cultural secretary, assistant school pupil leader... you get what I'm talking about.  There was this one day when all the teachers from school had to go somewhere (I'd rather not reveal what it was here. The secondary school teachers were scheduled to go at one time and the primary school teachers at another time. When it was time for the primary school teachers to leave, we had classes. I remember our PT teacher bursting into our class. It's normal for him to do this and demand for one of our classmates to join him for some reason or the other. Today, he rushed in and started calling a bunch of people. He called out the 'council members' and some other people as well.  'Lekhaa, come,' he called. I wa...

  "I killed Sirius Black!"  Bellatrix Lestrange is a multi-faceted character in my opinion. She was one of the most dangerous witches in the wizarding world. She was sadistic and loved torturing her victims. She was very violent and was known for her cruelty. Her name was spoken with great fear. She loved using the Cruciatus curse. She was arrogant and looked down on others. She was extremely confident in her abilities and never backed down from any duels.  Bellatrix was extremely loyal. Her heinous acts weren't because she was crazy or because she had lost her mind in Azkaban. She performed them willingly. She did those things for her master, Lord Voldemort. In the end, she was his most faithful servant. She would do anything he asked of her. She preferred to go to prison rather than renounce her master.  She was a good leader. She proved this during the Battle of the Department of Mysteries. Even though she wasn't the one in charge of the operation, she did lead th...

Dearest gentle reader, The series, Bridgerton, is set during the glowing reign of Queen Charlotte, spanning between 1761 and 1818. Let us now look deeper into the state of womanhood during the time, which was often cloaked in silence and submission.  First and foremost, let us speak of feminism—a term rarely whispered and even more seldom embraced. Those who dared to speak of women's rights were scorned and maybe even cast away from society. Their words were paid no heed. Women were revered as symbols of purity, their virtue guarded with extreme fervor. The mere thought of a woman meeting a man without the vigilant eye of a chaperone—be it a mother or a trusted female servant—was enough to spark whispers of scandal and ruin. In such unfortunate events, it was the lady's name and future prospects that bore the brunt of society's scorn. The man, however, would get off with no more than a reprimanding. Those young ladies were brought into this world with a singular purpose: to...

This post is a tribute to my favourite stuffed animal. Yes, I know that's unconventional. She is a brown and white beagle. I have had her since I was around 2 or 3 years old. I eventually decided to name her 'Candy,' because I claimed she smelled like chocolates - I assure you, she doesn't anymore. She smells like laundry detergent after the number of times my mom put her in the washing machine.  A little while ago I had to go through something that I was afraid of. I remember how I used to take my stuffed animal to the doctor when I was younger. I started to recall all the memories I had with her.  She and I were inseparable. There is one moment that lives in my head vividly. One afternoon when I was around 7 or 8 years old, Candy went to take a bath - ie, she needed to be washed. I was waiting eagerly for her to come out of the dryer. When my dad opened the machine, I peered in and she was sitting on one of the 'wings' (I don't know exactly what they are c...

I totally loved this movie. It was worth the wait. I still remember watching the first part when I was around 8 years old. Here I am, 10 years later. This movie had a lot of heart-touching scenes.  So, the main story revolves around a new emotion, Anxiety, taking control of Riley's mind as she enters puberty. It is a coming-of-age story. It talks about a teenager's sense of self and how fragile it is. In the movie, as Anxiety appears, she begins to change Riley's sense of self. Joy, however, is against it. In my opinion, a teenager's sense of self does change as they grow up. But, I don't think it should be the result of Anxiety. I think it should be the result of things that they learn. Another thing that happens is that Joy throws all of Riley's 'bad' memories - or rather ones that she thinks are unnecessary - to the back of her mind. My view on this is that all memories are important in a person's mental makeup. One learns from negative experience...

  "When you started crying, baby, I did too." This is a really beautiful line, isn't it? It reminds me of something that happened with a friend of mine, way back in ninth grade. So, this girl was super confident. She was so strong. She was a natural-born leader. She was someone who everyone looked up to. The way she carried herself was just magnificent. Yes, I know I'm laying the praise on a bit too much, but this girl deserves it. She was a role model to so many people. She never let anyone know her struggles. She was someone who kept it all to herself - and her close friends, of course. This girl was - and still is - my best friend.  One day, there was something wrong with her. It was a fight between her and another one of her friends who she had become close to. That was the first time I saw her cry. She did sometimes lose her temper and she did have mood swings. But tears? Never in public. I saw her crying and something inside me broke. I was trying to console her...

So, the inspiration for this post originated from a typo. My friend was telling me to try the song 'Diamonds.' When he typed it out, it said 'true diamonds' instead of 'try diamonds.' So, here it goes.  When I heard this, I started thinking about who a true diamond of a person was. A gem - or a diamond - of a person is obviously very rare. You might not find a person like that often. When you do, make sure you don't try to push them away or chase them away. You will regret it once you lose them and you might find yourself wishing you realised what you had when they were by your side.  We can also say that they are expensive. By that, I mean that the relationship takes a lot of effort to maintain, but it's surely worth every ounce of energy you spend. There are going to be times when you want to let go. You might find yourself doubting whether the relationship is worth it or not. But trust me when I say this, a good, strong, healthy relationship takes loa...

The inspiration for this post comes from the song '2002' by Anne Marie. "I will always remember..." It talks about a moment in the narrator's life that she will never forget.  I'm sure we all have a moment like that. One that lives on vividly in our memories. You can remember all the details. Close your eyes right now. Take yourself back to that moment. Remember where it took place. Remember who was with you. Remember the main 'characters' in your memory. Recall what you saw. Recall how you felt. Remember the sounds and smells. Let all your senses take you back to that moment. Allow yourself to lose yourself in the moment.  How does that make you feel? Is it a good memory or a bad one? Regardless of how you feel, the memory is strong. It's something you can see with perfect clarity no matter how much time passes. Memories like that are important. They are core memories. They play a significant part in the make-up of your character. Even if the memo...

Bonnie and Damon's relationship is something that I really covet. They were enemies who became best friends.  Initially, Bonnie hated Damon for multiple reasons. One of which was that Damon indirectly led Bonnie's grandmother to her death. Bonnie and Damon did work together before their friendship, but that was only because she was best friends with Elena - who was with Stefan Salvatore, Damon's brother.  As the seasons pass, Damon and Bonnie are trapped in a prison world together. This is where their bond flourishes. They are all they have. There's nothing they can do but eventually get along with each other. The thing I like most about their relationship is its platonic nature. (It's different in the books, but in the show, Bonnie and Damon could be called platonic soulmates.)  Their friendship also showcases the changes in Damon's character. He and Bonnie hated each other, but in the end, they became the best of friends. Damon would sacrifice anything to save...

Ohh yes. I'm sure we all have had our fair share of teenage love. I'm sure we believed that it would last forever.  Look back and remember the endless drama that followed. Teenagers don't really know what love is. They just love the idea of love. It's nothing more than infatuation. Yet, when one experiences it, it seems like it would last forever. There was probably a lot of sneaking around. You thought that it was the joy of the first love.  I'm sure there were some good parts. You probably learned what to expect in the future. You learned what you needed. You learned what to avoid. You learned about your boundaries. You discovered new sides of yourself. You figured out what you would and wouldn't do for another person. It set you on a path of self-discovery. There was also an inevitable heartbreak when you swore off dating. You thought your life would never be the same again. You felt like you would never get over it. Spoiler alert... you did. And guess what? ...

These are three words that are often used but the meaning behind them might not be clear. They are all interconnected though.  Being possessive - according to the dictionary - means that you always demand someone's total attention and love. Being protective means that you would do anything to keep someone safe. Being territorial means that you are protective over your relationship with someone.  One difference I notice between being possessive and being territorial is that one is usually territorial over something that one already has. On the other hand, possessiveness might be associated with something that one covets. More logically, being territorial can be related to space or material objects while being possessive can be related to a person.  Here's the thing... all these things can become toxic if they are allowed to go overboard. There is naturally going to be possessiveness in any relationship, but what matters is that there is also trust present. You have to know...

Here, I don't only mean that receiving love is a need. Giving love is also an equally important need. (Whether romantic or platonic.)  There are times when you absolutely need to receive love. There's nothing else that can cheer you up. All you want is to lie in the arms of your favourite person, doing nothing at all. You could be sitting in complete silence and it wouldn't matter. Or you might just want some acknowledgment. You might want them to remember your presence. You could be expecting something really small, like them remembering your favourite things, but you might not have the courage to ask them. Or rather, you might be curious to see if they would do it without a push from you.  Giving love is something that makes one feel needed. When you shower love on someone, you feel like you can do something useful. They make you feel needed - which, let's face it, really helps with one's self esteem. If you are away from that person for a while, the need just int...

Oh my god. You have no idea how much I needed a day with my girls. Initially, I didn't let myself believe that I would be able to see them. I was so sure that something would come up at the last minute and our plans would be foiled.  I got to my friend's house around 10 in the morning. We started off with a nice long catch-up session. I spent quite a long time telling them about all the drama I had endured throughout the past semester. They made sure to react in just the way I needed them to. By that I mean they were on my side the whole time and they were acceptably aghast when required.  We were all very nostalgic in no time. We relived some of the things we did when we were in school together. The best part is that it felt like no time had passed. We were still best friends. There was a lot that happened since the last time we all saw each other - a year ago - but things didn't feel different.  We were overjoyed that we were still friends. (We had been that way since w...

Why is it so special to receive or make handmade gifts? Why is it different from something store-bought and materialistic? Instead of some expensive present, imagine receiving something personal, like a handmade birthday card or a poem written on fancy paper. I certainly would prefer a handmade present.  When you make a handmade gift, you put your love in it. You invest plenty of time and effort in it. There's something that you add to it that you can't find anywhere else. You wouldn't be making someone something if you didn't know them well. That means that you know exactly what that person likes. You can be sure to add things that you know they will love. You can't go wrong.  When you receive one, it shows how special you are to someone else. You know that they value you in their life when you see that they took the time to make you something. You can feel the love they instilled in it. Whenever you look at it, you are reminded of them. You are reminded of all the...

How do you help someone you love when they are in need? Is there any particular way that you can help? What if you aren't really sure what to say? This is a question that has stumped me for so long.  Imagine that someone you love needs you. You are the only person they talk to and they need your support. But, here you are, with no idea how to help. Some of the things they say might be completely new to you. The only thing you are sure of is that you aren't going to let them deal with things on their own. You know that your conscience wouldn't allow that. Be honest, would you be able to rest easy knowing that they are suffering - or are in any kind of pain?  Physical pain is easier to help with. You could go sit by their side, holding their hand and assuring them that they will be alright. But when it's emotional, you can often find yourself at a loss about what to do. Sometimes, there's no right thing to say. You just have to take extra care not to hurt them any mor...

This particular line in the song 'The Prophecy' sang out to me. What I see here is a girl who was always second best. She was someone who put everyone else's needs before her own. She would do anything for someone she loved. She would sacrifice herself for someone she loves.  Yet, nothing she does is ever enough. Even though she prioritizes important people in her life, no one does the same for her. She is never anyone's first choice. She doesn't know what it's like to be prioritized. She doesn't know how to let anyone take care of her. However, she wants to know what that feels like.  Yes, she is a high maintenance. Yes, she does have some expectations. But, that doesn't mean that she doesn't need someone to be there for her. It doesn't mean that she doesn't secretly crave a bit of pampering from time to time. She is self-sufficient, but she needs some time to be small.  This girl wants to be chosen by someone. She wants to be prioritized. S...

(Disclaimer: This isn't universal. This is my point of view and many girls might have similar ideas.) What are some of the things that go on in a girl's mind? I'm sure all of you guys are curious.   The first one is about how they feel when they go out. For some girls, going out is a treat and a rarity. They aren't allowed to do so often. So, when they do, they make the most out of the opportunity. Then, there is the conflict of what to wear when they go out. It's different depending on who they are with. If they are going out with their parents, the clothes they wear would be different from something they would pick to wear with their friends. They also have to make sure that the outfit they choose is appropriate for their mode of transport and their destination.  Guys, you might think girls dress for your eyes. But, that is not true. They dress up for themselves. They dress up to admire themselves in the mirrors. (Yes, that does seem a little self-centred.) They d...

Have you ever had a piece of jewellery that was a huge part of your identity? You wore it so often that it became an irreplaceable part of you. (Yes, there could be more than one accessory.) There was some deep significance as to why you wore it. Maybe it was a gift from someone you loved. Maybe it was something that you and a friend both wore together. Maybe it was something that reminded you of an unforgettable incident in your life. Maybe it was something that made you stronger.  If someone gifts you that piece of jewellery, it can bring you comfort. By that, I mean that you crossed their mind for a moment. As soon as they saw it, they thought of you. It means that they care enough about you to get you that article - no matter how small it might be. The pleasure that you attain when you receive it doesn't disappear over time. It just grows every time you wear it. It feels like you have a part of your special person with you all the time.  The main point is that that piece o...

What's the point of trying on a bunch of clothes that you know you aren't going to buy? I'm sure those of you who like trying on clothes just for the pleasure of doing so have heard this question over and over again.  Let me give you my answer. I personally love trying on dresses. I have a strict mom who has pretty strict rules. (Who doesn't?) Let's not go into her rules right now. *insert eye roll here*  I feel invigorated when I try on things that I think will look good on me. I recently tried on a really pretty black dress. It was on the shorter side and I was a little shy to come out of the dressing room to show my friend. But one good look in the mirror was all it took to convince me. I gathered up my confidence and shook off my insecurities as I walked out.  I'm someone who usually wears jeans and a shirt of some kind. When I try on a fancy dress, I feel connected to my feminine side. I've had people say "Nee ponnu nu maranthuren di," to me c...

There I was, minding my own business in the backseat of my car on the way to my grandparent's house. "Do you want to drive?" came my dad's voice. For a second, I wasn't sure if I heard him correctly. Yes, I do have my license, but I haven't really had the chance to take the car out for a spin.  "What?" I asked incredulously. He repeated his question as my mom looked at him in disbelief. She couldn't believe that he was really letting me drive. This was the Trichy to Madurai highway. It was the middle of the day.  I obviously seized the opportunity and nodded vigorously. My dad pulled over so I could get behind the wheel. I climbed in and adjusted the seat so I could see. I released the handbrake and moved the car into 'drive.' I was carefully holding onto the brake - a bit nervous. (What do you expect. I hadn't driven before.)  My dad told me to slowly let go of the brake and I did. I swerved onto the left lane and he told me to step ...