I Just Wanna Be A Girl!

She who fought tooth and nail for me When I needed her by my side She who didn't listen to rumors But said she did so she could get the other side of the story She who asked for my opinion Like it really mattered to her She who taught me the art of poetry To write with her She who I've known for about 2 years And genuinely liked from the start She who once broke my heart But put it back together tenfold She who gave me a genuine apology Not what I wanted to hear, but the truth  She who let me grow close in my own time Giving me my space but checking on me She who gets excited about my opportunities And actually means it She who works with me on events Saying yes as soon as I ask her She who is my 'hype girl'  The best photographer ever  She who gives without hesitation Her affection and assistance in equal measure She who told me the truth  About people who were not who I thought She who protected me Even when I didn't know it She who listened to my tears And soothe...

It was not control  Just a warning Stitched from old wounds And things I learned through pain  It was out of care  The kind that lingers  Even when it's inconvenient  Or misunderstood It was never meant to hold you back  Not a cage Nor a leash Not a need to decide for you But you heard limits in my voice Like I was telling you 'no' But there were only fractures  And wounds trying to speak  I saw how easily Trust could be twisted  How a smile could hide Something sharp  I walked through roads I thought were harmless And I remember How quickly the tables turned  So, when I spoke It wasn't to shrink your world  It was to keep it whole  And to keep you safe  You thought I was holding you back  When I was just Standing in front of a storm To keep you from harm's way  You went anyway  Certain of your footing  While I stayed behind Watching from afar incase you needed me  But when you thought I was h...

Show me your love Shower me with affection Give me some attention Tell me that I'm all you want Not just when it's dark  And when we are alone Say it to everyone Shout it from the rooftops Tell me like it's carved in stone Not written in water Tell me you want me when it's hard When there's a battle raging Even when I break your heart Tell me you need me That you crave me Keep it like an oath  Don't make me feel like a locked door With no keyhole, A question you were tired of answering, A wound you blamed for bleeding. 

You got your care Your affection  Your physical satisfaction  Did you see the pain she's in The sorrow and grief in her eyes  The one she hides from you every day  All for the sake of your happiness  She keeps her tears to herself  Turning it inwards Twisting and turning in her  Poisoning her mind and heart  Making her believe the worst For you, she sacrificed her peace Hiding herself  Putting herself after you  Like a good girl  It's all in vain  When she sleeps with tears in her eyes Night after night 

No matter how you pushed me away Or hid yourself away You asked me to leave But I couldn't  I said I was going But I didn't I waited  Day and night  For you to come back  How could I go? After all we've shared  After the secrets you've entrusted to me So I stayed to fight  Hurting myself in the process All for you  So you could feel safe  And believe that there was someone  Who cared enough to stay  I gave my blood, sweat, and tears for this  But what's it for  You still want me gone  You want me to leave you alone  So you can be peaceful  Without me...  If that isn't enough  I still can't not check on you  I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

Every word I say is wrong My emotions turned against me My very breath... A burden Why do I need to be here? You say you want me You say you need me But when I'm here, you don't My tears are a sin  I'm always here when you call  Setting aside everything for you Wanting to know you better In the end, it's useless  Taken for granted My steadfastness My reliability  I'm loyal And trustworthy  Keeper of your heart And secrets But what of my heart My emotions Unvalued and never addressed My needs and dreams - ignored I should have played hard to get Would that have changed things?

What did I do to be born for you The moments we've cherished The way you flash your smile when you see me in the morning  What I wouldn't do to see that again Those cheesy chicken strips we pine for What I wouldn't do to share those with you one more time In your eyes, I see nothing but truth  And unconditional love that knows no bounds Through texts exchanged, we grew closer A journey that can't be reversed  Watching ducks shake their tails You avert your eyes as soon as you see a cat Smiles dancing in your eyes In your arms, I found my home away from home.  Safe and sound, protected from all harm In your arms, my worries skip away I am a princess in your realm, My greatest treasure is you.  Our treks and tree climbs All worth it when we reach the summit And sigh in relief, looking at each other We reached peace, To which we were each other's key The way that we explored the city The moments alone we stole Eyes darting around  I would die a million deaths ...

Pulls out chairs  Holds the door open Takes me out Shows me the city Says I'm his world The best thing that's ever happened  A goddess on Earth  All just sweet nothings? I've put everything I had in this  In him  But I've seen him do this To them  The other girls Checks them out  Up and down Checks if I'm watching  I act like I'm not But I do  I notice his lingering gaze  The secret hidden smiles He does all this for me But what if he's just nice Paying me back for what I've done for him  All the niceties I provide 

Love at first sight never felt right Until him  I thought love came from understanding But he swept me off my feet Those dark brown eyes, hiding secrets in their depths Those muscular shoulders, strong enough to carry the world That lush hair, thick and full Tousled in the wind... That black shirt and those blue jeans  Majestic and regal, commanding respect The sparkle when the light hits his eye The smile that could brighten an eclipse The curve of his brow, deep in thought Those lips, curling into a kind smile That voice like velvet laced with deep thunder When he leans back like the world bends at his will His laughter like spring breaking through the winter clouds Not arrogant nor proud But pure and blissful  Leaves a gentle echo that lingers in my heart  Then...  I knew Shakespeare and Marlowe were right Love at first sight exists It lives on in me And in him  The mystery guy

You look around searching for her She's there, but not Where did your lively girl go? She's gone... Do you wonder when you lost her?  Was it when you made her wait every day, always late? Was it when you dismissed her dreams? Was it when you made her feel used? Was it when you asked her to hide?  Or when you said you were ashamed of her? Was it when you said loving her was a burden? Or when you said her emotions hurt? Was it when you said her emotions hurt you Or when your tears caused your anger Does it really matter when you lost her? 'Cause you already did. She's still there, hanging on your words Clinging to you like your lifeline But now, she pretends nothing hurts She hides her sadness and emotions  From you, when you were supposed to be her solace Wondering where she went wrong, what more to give Tired of hurting, when she says she's hurt, she hides it all  Away from the world You lost her when you didn't tell her how you felt When you didn't tell her...

Once upon a time My life was normal  Nothing out of place Just me and my girls Ouch! I bumped into someone I apologize and run off A black t-shirt Blue jeans Tousled hair  A smile that would light up the whole town I didn't notice this then  Just another guy  Hours to days to weeks Watching him from afar  Pushed together But we're just friends His smile brings me butterflies Heat runs up my spine at his gaze Blush creeping across my cheeks Who is this guy? Exploring and investigating Learning about him  Why though?  Why do I even care?  Ohh...  I like him Just a crush?  Or something more I bump into him again His hands on my shoulders, steadying me His chocolate brown eyes Looking in mine I knew what it was I was in love  What about him?  Am I cursed to watch from afar And so I do  Observing his quirks Every change and mood I want to know more His musical voice approaches me one day  It says he wants to know me too Co...

I looked everywhere. Begging on my knees, For you to come.  Save me from myself. Protect me from the world. Like you said you would. You promised you'd be there  When I called Where were you when I died, Waiting for the proof? You were gone... With someone else?  Or have I been forgotten? 'I need you!' I cried to the heavens, Pleading with them to find you  And return you to me. You weren't there A broken promise Like countless before 'I'm used to it. It's okay,' I sigh Welcoming you back Deep down, I know, You won't appear when I need you.  I still waited for you To prove yourself  Counting the stars to kill time Tracing my memories of you  Hoping you'd reach out to me again You showed me the pain of silence  Even fools stop waiting I am not a fool  I keep waiting Needing  You

I peek over my shoulder There he is Tall and handsome as hell He is Jupiter And I, Callisto   I’ve had my eye on him As long as I can remember A thousand moments In quiet corners Not one was mine   The curve of his lip The chiselled jaw Those dark eyes… Hiding secrets Depths I long to dive into But never dare   Countless fantasies Spinning in circles in my head Day dreams and night dreams Possibility of something Longing restrained   But… no... He is somebody else’s someone I’ve seen them around Hand in hand Two peas in a pod Never one without the other And so… I keep my distance Doomed to watch Never live A silent spectator A peeping tom Watching happiness that I can’t share Clutching my daydreams Yearning for a glance Each one, a bruise He is a story already written And I am just the reader Loving the someone who was never meant for me

Strut around knowing you won  You have everything you need  Your every desire fulfilled without hesitation It comes at a price You lost the girl who would do anything for you Who gave herself up to you Body and soul  Her peace depended on you  You lost the girl who revolved around you Your own personal moon  She waited on you day and night  For the moment when you'd see what was happening  You lost the girl who suppressed her needs for yours Her smile faded before your eyes  Her spark disappeared Slowly dying from the inside out  You lost the girl who took care of herself on her own So you could have the best version of her She whispered your name in the dark, like a prayer Sobbing, hoping you'd hear her cries You lost the girl whom you brought back to life After a thousand deaths She put her faith in you  She lived for you  You lost the girl who put her emotions aside for you Hiding things that would hurt you  Her emotions bec...

Bang! Goes the door. Crash! Goes the gate. Ding Dong! Goes a bell. Sounds filled with anger and rage. Trembles run down my body,  Whimpering and yelping in fear.  Cold sweat dripping... Drip. Drip. What do those sounds mean? Flight or fight?  What should I do?  Rooted in place, unable to breathe. Bang! Crash! Ding Dong! A call back to reality Flee!  Stumbling and tripping in haste  Run away with my head down.  Silence!  So quiet you can hear a pin drop.  Waited with bated breath. Silence filled with vengance Anticipation rising. Counting the footsteps. Hearing everything in the distance. Heart pounding in my ears. Silence broken with glares Filled with hate  Deafening silence Fragile and delicate Worried to breathe too loud To make a noise and disturb the heavy silence Fear of what the climax will bring  Fear of harm and danger And so...  Living in fear of noise and of silence Fire and Ice?  Or Noise and Silence? Both dest...

For years I've watched you  Back and forth  In front of me and far away  I gave everything, hoping it was love I lay like the first frost of winter  Cold and unwanted Sacrifice, Endurance Even when it hurt Is this all I deserve? I swallowed my doubts and pain Held him like he was the answer Hoping for sweet nothings Sweet nothings?  More like harsh, cruel reality Cold and ruthless Struck like a blizzard Truth leaving his eyes Promises lay broken all around And now... I lay dying Waiting for the gentleness I crave They said love would save me They didn't say it would cost me My soul. My self.  Why was I the one breaking? My smile hidden My tears freed And with that...  Admiring from a distance A precious jewel But never mine to hold  With the final goodbye,  It was love at last sight

I worked my nails down to the quick I don't know what more I can give I've given all I have  Left behind in the dust Around me, laughter and sunshine  By my side, emptyness Loud and explosive  What's the use of my toil? Fading into the shadows Day by day  No one notices  How my laughs became smiles  Where do I go? What about me?  Who has my back? Do you want to be my friend?

A brush of wind across my cheeks A casual brush against my shoulders  A laugh  It's all stuck in my head  Our song Our favorite food  Our meeting place  All I see is nothing A whisper everywhere But not the voice I crave Our shared secrets remain Every corner telling our story Wherever I turn Memories come crashing down  No anchor to grab on to Drifting... Drowning... 

A room filled with books Dreams taking shape An escape A safe haven  Doors to worlds unknown Where did the time go? Between the shelves I lose myself  A thousand lives Mine to claim In ink my heart is bound Picking one from the shelf Settling down in a cosy corner Ready to dissapear Pages turning  The smell of new books  Hitting me and rendering me senseless A love like no other Nothing to stop me  No judgement  No disguise  Just truth  In A Fortress of Stories

Crash! Wait! Why is there a crash? What's going on?  Where am I? There's something on the ground Pain flashes over my arm Growing in intensity Unbearable Tears welling up Crash! Thud! Why is something banging? How did I get on my feet? Why is the world shaking? Why are my cheeks wet? Why am I hurting? Why can't I move my arm!? Where am I?  What just happened?