I Just Wanna Be A Girl!

She who fought tooth and nail for me When I needed her by my side She who didn't listen to rumors But said she did so she could get the other side of the story She who asked for my opinion Like it really mattered to her She who taught me the art of poetry To write with her She who I've known for about 2 years And genuinely liked from the start She who once broke my heart But put it back together tenfold She who gave me a genuine apology Not what I wanted to hear, but the truth  She who let me grow close in my own time Giving me my space but checking on me She who gets excited about my opportunities And actually means it She who works with me on events Saying yes as soon as I ask her She who is my 'hype girl'  The best photographer ever  She who gives without hesitation Her affection and assistance in equal measure She who told me the truth  About people who were not who I thought She who protected me Even when I didn't know it She who listened to my tears And soothe...

This is one of my favorite lines from Rick Riordan's Heroes of Olympus: House of Hades. I've read this book maybe more than 50 times by now, and this line always makes me really think. Even when I was younger, and I didn't really know what the words meant, I knew they meant something.  Here's how I see it... You can't really choose where you come from. You can't control things that you didn't choose, for example, where you grew up or where you went to school. When you were little, your decisions were probably made for you, before you even understood that those decisions would determine some aspect of your life and who you would become.  But, another way of looking at it is... you get to choose who you want to be. With the expansion of social media and the rapid spread of reels, reddit and quora threads, and other videos, people learn a lot, regardless of how they are brought up. Through this exposure, you see new things and you can decide whether you want to...

"Everything you strive for is attainable; you are the one getting in your own way." This is something else I read when I was studying for my semester exams that I felt was really important to talk about.  It's kind of like... You are capable of anything, but you are getting in your own way. It's not someone else telling you that you can't do it, but you yourself are not letting yourself grow. Usually, when we fail to do something, we assume that some external force is saying that this is a bad idea. We think that something bad might happen if we keep trying. Or we might think that someone doesn't want us to keep going.  But here's the thing... did someone actually tell you that they don't want you to do it? Or did someone say that bad things would happen? I'm guessing not.  Do you know what that means? It means that you are the only one standing in your way. You think that something is holding you back, but it is you holding yourself back. And... i...

The French language was my first love. Way back in school, I was one of the few people who chose French as a third language. Above all, I loved my French teacher.  Now... there's no clear reason why I love French, but I just do. I feel like I've always been pulled towards it, the language, the culture, the food, the city. Though now I know that there are drawbacks to Paris and France in general, as a child, I thought it would be an amazing place to live.  These days, I have to admit I lost touch with the language a bit, but just thinking back for a moment brings it all crashing back.  Now, I have the opportunity to teach French to a little boy. Today, I had an introductory session with him and his enthusiasm took me off guard. It reminded me of myself when I was younger, and learning French for the first time.  It reminded me of why I actually liked the language, and the enthusiasm made me want to respond with equal or more energy.  Now, you might wonder why I a...

Alright, gang, this is going to be something new. I haven't tried this before.  But I came up with this word, and I am going to try to explain it to you.  First of all, the idea came from my professor. We were talking about 'slambooks,' and he asked me to try to come up with a new name for it. Something for the new age. And this is what I ended up with.  Remembrary So here's what this word is supposed to mean... Today, slambooks are a place for people to write about their opinions of you and their memories with you. It's about remembering the times you shared. Earlier, it used to be a small book where people would put in things about themselves - their contacts, their birthdays, things like that. Basically, things that they wanted the owner of the book to remember about them.  But now, it has transformed into what people want to remind the owner about themselves. It's something that, when looked at years later, will bring back memories and help 'remember...

Dear readers, this is your favorite Taylor's girl! In a recent ThinkTank session, I had the opportunity to sing. It was called a 'Jam Session.' I was pretty nervous at first, because I don't really sing in public. But in a few minutes, I gathered up the confidence, and I got to sing 'Enchanted.'  The thing is... loving Taylor Swift is kind of my brand now. To be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way. She - or rather - her music has done so much to me.  Now, I'm not one of those Swifties who obsessively follow Taylor's personal life. No, I like her for her music. I feel like it has done so much for me. No matter what mood I'm in - happy, sad, energetic, tearful, confident, or scared, her music embraces me. Sometimes, when I hear it, I have goosebumps running down my arms. It is like honey to my ears.  My connection to Taylor goes beyond just listening to her music. My first academic research paper was about Taylor's albums, and this paper g...

Today, I was in for a bunch of surprises. The department had organized a kind of gathering for the Magic of Storytelling, SLP members, especially those graduating. The previous day, I was told that there was a time allotted for me in the agenda to speak. The girl who told me said that I could talk about the history of the SLP and about my experiences, and vision for it.  That meant that I had had time to prepare, and I had a huge list of things I wanted to say. Before that, however, I got to listen to all the things that my classmates and other teammates had to say about the SLP. It moved me to tears - almost - to hear how they felt about this program that I poured my heart and soul into, and to see that it really affected them in a positive way, which is all I could ever ask for. It also felt extra special when each of them mentioned how I pulled them into this mesmerizing thing, whether they reallyyy wanted to or not. It is amazing that each of them showed up, and I loved to hear...

It was not control  Just a warning Stitched from old wounds And things I learned through pain  It was out of care  The kind that lingers  Even when it's inconvenient  Or misunderstood It was never meant to hold you back  Not a cage Nor a leash Not a need to decide for you But you heard limits in my voice Like I was telling you 'no' But there were only fractures  And wounds trying to speak  I saw how easily Trust could be twisted  How a smile could hide Something sharp  I walked through roads I thought were harmless And I remember How quickly the tables turned  So, when I spoke It wasn't to shrink your world  It was to keep it whole  And to keep you safe  You thought I was holding you back  When I was just Standing in front of a storm To keep you from harm's way  You went anyway  Certain of your footing  While I stayed behind Watching from afar incase you needed me  But when you thought I was h...

 "You can't expect a bad person not to harm others." Expecting someone to change their ways after these ways have been rooted so deeply in them for years before you met them is irrational. Now, I'm not saying that all people are bad people, of course. But there are habits in other people that you would want to change. For example, imagine your best friend chews with their mouth open. Now, if this were your little sibling, you would have had the chance to correct them when they were younger. But you haven't known this friend during their formative years, when something like this could have been changed.  This can also be applied to someone you love. Like, there might be something you don't like that they keep doing. This isn't something so horribly wrong that it warrants a break-up, but it's something that bothers you. You think that if you bring it up enough times, it can be fixed. But if you take a moment to think about a habit that you have that you ...

Today, we had a Think Tank session where I was asked the question: "What would I do with complete freedom?" The question stumped me for a bit. Partially because I didn't really know what complete freedom looked like.  In relation to this, I saw a post a while ago about what a teenager who was given complete freedom over their schedule would be. The teenager would sleep all day, get up late, play games all night or party all night. They wouldn't do their homework. But... in a few days, they would get bored of this and they would also feel like they are doing something wrong. Their conscience would speak out. Then, they would make a schedule for themselves.  That got me thinking today. I am still not sure what I would do with complete freedom. But I think complete freedom is an illusion. Eventually, everyone will succumb to the societal standards that they see around them. They would want to fit in and want to succeed. It led me to think about the power of society. It d...

Today, I finished my tenth paper presentation. This is a huge milestone. I remember my first one, about Taylor Swift's albums. I presented it at MCC at this thing called Eve's Eve. The chair for the presentation, the Dean of Women's Affairs, said my paper was really good and recommended that I publish it. And so, that's what I did. In my second year of UG, I had a paper published.  Now, guys... this post is kind of a how-to present and write papers guide. I've a lot of people asking me about this, and I thought this would be a nice way to help them.  First... pick a topic you really like. One that you don't have to think about too much, so you know plenty of background information about your paper. For example, I write about things like Taylor Swift, the books I read, or the poems that my teachers taught me that really resonated with me. I find that this makes things easier, in the sense that you don't have to think too much about what you're writing, bu...

Today, I had the unique opportunity to talk to representatives from Appalachian State University, who were visiting MCC. Dr. Phillip and Dr. Renee, specializing in matters related to public policy, political science, and globalization, were our esteemed visitors.  Right after my exam, my professor called me and told me that he had an interesting opportunity for me, and asked me to meet him in his office immediately. Off I went. I rushed over and he told me that I could interview these visiting dignitaries if I wanted to. I obviously said yes, and so did two of my classmates. We had about 30 minutes to prepare. We were given a short bio of the dignitaries and decided to first read that, for ideas of questions that would be useful for MCC students, looking to pursue their higher studies abroad, or for MCC students in general.  Additionally, we looked at the professors' profiles online, to learn their areas of expertise, so we could ask them about it. (Also, we wanted the brownie...

I know this might sound cliché, but it feels like just yesterday that I walked into MCC as a fresher, and I had my farewell today. I remember so clearly my fresher's day and my first Onam celebration, and pongal of my first year. My memories with my magnificent seniors and crying at their farewell are so vivid.  I can't believe I'm already going to graduate and move on to other ventures. My classmate read a poem that she wrote about the last three years. Through it, my classmates and I were close to tears. She reminded us of the memorable lines that our professors always say, taking us from our first year to our final month in just 3-4 minutes.  (Bear with me for my little remembrance too guys...) Thank you to Rufus sir's push that turned me into an author, blogger (with an iconic title) and academician and his constant support in my endevours, for Phebe mam's remembrance to keep my inner child happy and safe and her care when I needed it most, for Sam Paul sir for ...

Once upon a time, there was a girl who didn't know what L&D stood for. Now, that same girl has finished her final intercollegiate literary competition at MCC with flying colors.  You heard that right... Yesterday, I attended my final intercollegiate event. I went to Don Bosco College in Kilpauk for this milestone event. I was super pumped up and ready to win the overall trophy. (For some background, last year, I led the team to Don Bosco College and won the overall trophy. That was the first time I was trusted to lead the team to victory, and I did not let anyone down.)  This time, I was enthusiastic, but there were hurdles on my way to college that upset me, first thing in the morning. I'm not going to go into details now, though. I was still really determined.  Little did I know... my greatest obstacle waited ahead. Someone very close to me and whom I was very comfortable with was the judge of two of the events I was participating in. Now... think about it... when y...

A couple of days ago, I went to Hindustan College for an inter-college event. Now, I've been going to this event for the past two years, this being the third time. When I arrived, the head of the literary club, a professor, greeted me and said that she remembered me. It was really nice to see that I made enough of an impact to be remembered. Then, I participated in this event called Shipwreck. Now... a little bit of context before I continue... last year, I was in some kind of character interview, which I won, playing the character Cruella de Vil. In Shipwreck, they give you characters. When I went up to get mine, the convenor said "sorry... we don't have Cruella for you this time." That was another sign that what I did made an impact. When I finished my performance here (I was Lord Capulet this time), the judge stood up and shook my hand. He told me that it was refreshing to see my performance and that it was very nice.  You all probably know by now that my main even...

So... one question I've been thinking about is how my semester abroad changed me. Sure... I learned how to be independent. I learned how to clean things and cook pretty well. I learned how to be on my own. I learned how to sit in silence.  But... there was something else that happened. I didn't notice it when I was abroad, but I have been slowly picking up on it when I got back home. I realized that I was meaner. Now... by that... I don't mean cruel. I mean I refuse to let people walk all over me. I take what is rightfully mine and don't regret it. I put myself first, when surrounded by people who do the same. I used to do everything people wanted me to, believing that I would get recognition for it. Now, I wasn't timid, but I guess I might be called a pushover sometimes. I wouldn't really fight for things, preferring to choose peace. But now... I can't seem to do that. I try to do that. I try to stay calm, but I rage.  My question is, is what I'm doing ...

So... disclaimer... I'm not gonna hide names in this post, like I usually do for the sake of 'anonymity.' This is for Shane, who started off as my senior and my friend.  Yesterday morning, I called him for a chat, like I do sometimes, and... by the end of the call, I was crying. I told Shane about how I was physically assaulted and how no one helped me when it happened and I talked about it. Shane was really upset that I didn't tell him about what happened earlier. (This happened months ago, but it still has a really bad effect on me.) He said that if I had told him, he would have come to help me. In that moment, it felt so nice to know that there was someone who cared, and someone who would back me. He stayed on call until the tears ran dry, and checked on me through the day.  But... little did he know that he saved me once before, too. One day, I was with the person who hurt me, someone I can't name because honestly, I'm still scared. We were off campus. Shane...

I didn't fall for you at once I noticed you The way you walk The way you talk  Your presence was persistent But quiet and calming  You loved me quietly  But I was blind to it  Your love was like gravity, holding me in place  Keeping me from the past I ran from  You didn't ask me to forget my past,  But you remind me that I survived I have memorized your eyes, in all their moods Your lips, forming words I can read before you speak  Loving you is like exhaling After years of choking  There was no performance or fear  No shrinking or hiding to suit you  You made me the woman I am  And protected the girl in me  Thats why... I choose you  Everyday, always and forever  I love the past version of you, the present, and will love the future  You are where my heart goes without being told, and it is where I stay

This was a topic of debate in my class yesterday. I was reporting the proceedings and thus didn't have a chance to speak. However, I am very opinionated about the topic at hand and wanted to talk about my stance.  As you probably guessed, I think AI scuttles creativity. As a creative writer, I believe that creativity and imagination are synonymous with human life. If you ask AI for ideas, they are no longer yours. If you ask AI to brainstorm for you, it's not you who is doing the work. Thus, you can't take credit for the idea.  AI is a tool. Yes. A tool to assist, not to do your work for you. For example, if you have an outline of a story, AI could be used to check if you forgot something. However, it should not be telling you to add more. If it does, and you choose to use those ideas, you can't take credit for them.  AI can be used to proofread and to tell you if there are any plot holes or gaps or tangents in your story. I use AI for such purposes. I give it a complet...

If you know me, you know that I'm really active in class. Now, this is something that has followed me from my school days.  So, back in school, I thought this phenomenon of being the only one to raise my hand and offer to read aloud in class was because of my interests. I thought it was because I loved reading and because I knew I was going to study English Literature, so I had to read. (This is the reasoning of a 15 year old girl, by the way.) I thought that my classmates in college would be like me; jumping to answer questions and at the opportunity to read aloud in class. I thought they would have chosen to study literature because of their love for reading. (That was my reason for my choice.) However, when I got to college, there were only a few people who took this course because they wanted to, and even fewer who actually regularly participate in class. I was thinking about this the other day and I kinda ended up rethinking my evaluative capabilities.  But... in the end,...

An age ago, my ancestors lived Their glory days As they built an empire Meant to last forever They nourished the land And taught the young With stories of their childhood To spread inspiration and hope They found me, a little orphan They adopted me Took me in and nurtured me Training me to take their place and carry on their legacy As they embarked on a greater journey They entrusted their kindom to the Others, hoping for good I, not yet old enough to inherit, Sat waiting in the wings for my turn The Others were cruel They took what was given for granted They forgot that this was to be my birthright As they shunned me and locked me away When it was their turn to leave, I expected to regain what I lost My dignity, respect, and rights Instead, the Others left the kingdom to their followers Leaving me an outcast, I yearned for my ancestors If they were here, no one would have overlooked me I would have been safe and protected Now, I seize what I can,  Knowing that it is all mine I bid...

I am fresh off the heels of my last Ethnic Walk in college. Wow... am I ever nostalgic. First of all... no, I didn't win a prize, but I think I won a lot more.  I feel so much more confident because of my opportunities to be on these stages. I have actually been observing what happens to me on stage and during practice, and I feel myself becoming a different person through these experiences.  I initially wasn't going to walk for this Aurora. This used to be a place I loved and laughed and rejoiced, but it had turned into one of isolation and despair. I thought long and hard about whether participating was worth it. The only reasons I could think of for not doing so were because of other people. On the other hand, the pros said that I would enjoy it and love it, and it would be a perfect farewell to my time here. I decided I owed it to myself to do this for myself. And so I did.  When I'm on stage... I lose myself. I get to be someone who is admired from a distance. People...

One of my seniors posted something on his Instagram story recently that got me thinking. He said that he thought people showed their true colors while on their 'college trips.'  I was wondering why that is. I mean... obviously he didn't mean what I was thinking about, but I found it interesting. Every time I've heard about stories of college trips, I hear about some massive friendship blow-up or some betrayal or devastation. But... these are the people you've spent the last 2 or 3 years with. Right? Why is it that those relationships crumble, especially if they weren't tenacious to begin with?  I think it's because people tend to put on a face and facade in front of their friends in college. In that sense, I mean that they don't really show their true, raw, unfiltered sense. People hang out with these people, and then they can go home, and they have a different life there. They can become different people. However, on trips like these, people are togethe...

There are so many ways to reinvent oneself. It started thinking about this because a new year symbolizes a change, and that change can be a change in one's self.  Now, that change could be many things. It could be a little resolution. It could be determination to achieve something that you have been looking towards for a really long time. It could be setting aside time for yourself, making sure that you aren't overwhelmed by things around you. Or, it could be bigger.  You might want to change yourself... You might not have liked the way you were the previous year, or the way people saw you and treated you. You might want to reinvent yourself in a way you like. Now, this is easier to do in a place where no one knows you. You get to pick who you want to be. You can be anything, and no one would know that it isn't who you used to be. But... even if you are stuck with people who have seen you before, you can still make small changes. Those changes will put your haters down. It ...

We've all gone through COVID, so we know what online classes are. However, my class and I never thought we'd have to go through them again in college.  So, for context, there is a conference going on in college, so the management decided to have online classes, so they could make sure to meet the required working days. At first, I was kinda looking forward to it, because it meant I got to rest and recuperate from my travels. Then... I remembered how it was back in 10th grade, when I had online classes all day. The days when "children, can you hear me?" and "why are you so quiet?" were the regular. Listening to those familiar lines was both comforting and jarring.  I prefer offline classes simply because they let me interject in between, during discussions. However, if it's an online class, I have to wait and ask if the teacher can hear me, then talk, which pretty much ruins the flow of their lecture and what I wanted to say. Second, I like being able to ...

As you probably know by now, I returned to MCC this week. When I entered my juniors' classroom, a bunch of the girls came running up to me. They told me how they missed me and invited me to sit with them for a while. Obviously, I did. They fed me idly with chicken gravy, which was delicious.  As I was talking, one of the girls said that I was her inspiration and that she wanted to be like me. I was a little surprised. No one had ever said that to me before. I wondered what I did to deserve that, and soon realized that I did. It was really nice to hear that (that is an understatement).  It reminded me of all the times I've talked about wanting to be an inspiration to someone, and it made me feel really good that I did it. It might not be a big deal, but I've always wanted to be that kind of senior. The one who helps out in times of need. The one they can look at and say, "I want to be like you."  I thought it was so amazing that I just had to write about it. I thin...

"You, child, are the spitting image of Arcadia." Andrea Morgan - born from a bloodline tied to the demonic wolf god - never asked for this legacy. Reeling from loss, she is visited by the daughters of war and must face enemies as old as time itself. She yearns to protect her family, old and new, and make her ancestors proud. Will Andrea embrace her destiny and take her place as the most powerful Alpha the pack has seen, or will darkness engulf her and the world? Sequel to the Siege of Dokkalfar, the Rebirth of Fenrir follows Andrea's life after the war with the Dark Elves. She has to face yet another world-changing threat, Fenrir, the original wolf from Norse mythology. The stakes are higher, and she has her work cut out for her.  I spent a really long time working on this book. It has been in the works since the first novel came out, and I've been working on it as I published my other books. I really wanted to make this book better than the last, making the stakes hi...

I loved going back to one of my favorite cities in the world, years after I last saw it. I went when I was around 9 years old. It's been over 10 years, and I had goosebumps as I laid eyes on it again.  I had three days there and was determined not to spend them staying at home, even though it was freezing cold. On the first day, I went to the Macy's day parade and then to a place I've wanted to visit for years. I went to Madame Tussauds wax museum. I wanted to go there mainly to see the Taylor Swift figure. Of course, I enjoyed all the other figures as well. Then, I got to go to Times Square and went to the M&M store again, which I went to once, years ago. I also went to a huge Disney showroom. I got to see lights that looked just like the Tangled lights.  The next day, I went to the MET museum, where the famous MET Gala is held every year. It was my first time going to a museum like that. Earlier, it was always science museums and my favorite children's museums. T...

  Happy Thanksgiving from the wonderful city of New York.  That's right. I'm in New York!!! Since it's Thanksgiving, I went to the Macy's parade. I was there with a friend's family. Our journey started from Jersey City at around 8.15. We took a Park train to 33rd Street and walked a little bit to get to a viewing spot.  It was super crowded. Obviously. But, there was this trash truck thing that people were starting to climb on to get a better vantage point. My friend climbed onto it first and then helped me scamper on. Now... It's a trash truck, so imagine my initial hesitation. But, once I saw the view, I was sold. I could actually see the floats and balloons. It was amazing. Eventually, there was a teeny spot to sit - on top of the trash truck. I sat down and settled in... Until... The police told everyone to get off the truck. It took me some time to get off. I couldn't do it the same way I got in. Well... There went my perfect view. After that, we climbe...

So... context first... I am spending a couple days in Dallas at a friend's house over Thanksgiving break, before I head off to New York for the rest of the week. (It's back to college soon).  Dallas is apparently known for having a mall where you can ice skate in. My friends and I decided to take advantage of that and tried our hand at skating. It was my first time skating, and it was definitely interesting. Did I fall? Multiple times. Did it hurt? Not too much. Did I keep going? Absolutely! So, getting to the story I want to share, we had all given our phones to Natalie Aunty, my friend's mom, whose house we were staying at. We had locked our shoes up in a little locker and she had the keys. So, she left to go find food (or atleast that's what we thought) and when we were done skating, she was nowhere to be seen. We tried to call her using a borrowed phone, but there was no answer. We waited near the rink for a little bit and then decided to split up to hunt her down. ...

You might be wondering what's so special about rasam. You might be so bored of eating it all the time. But for someone who hasn't had home food in a long time, rasam is divine.  So, I'm in Dallas for Thanksgiving break and I went to an Indian restaurant. My friend's mom bought a full veg thali, complete with rice, naan, and apalam.  A little while later, she was offering to see if anyone wanted her untouched sambar. Me being me, I said yes immediately. I love sambar, especially restaurant sambar. When she handed it to me, I sniffed it gently, just to know what was in it and to take in the beautiful aromas. I instantly realized that it was rasam. It felt just like home, when after a heavy meal (which I had) my mom tells me to drink a little bit of rasam.  I took a sip and it was like ambrosia to my deprived tongue. Again, it might not sound like much, but to me, it was exactly what I needed. 

For some context, TOTOCS means 'Trick or Treat on College Street.' Basically, it means that children and their families from around Longview come to LeTourneau University to trick or treat (a Halloween ritual).  I was so ready for this. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays ever. When the announcement came asking for volunteers, I stepped up immediately. I became the head of TOTOCS for South Hall. My job was to first pick a theme and second, collect volunteers for the event. I also had to order decorations and costumes within the budget they gave me.  The theme I chose was pirates. I got myself a costume, and I ordered a bunch of pirate-y decorations and accessories to go on our table/booth. The event was postponed by a week because of the ,weather, but I was still super excited for it. On the day of, I spent a good amount of time getting everything ready and making sure it was perfect. Now, volunteers were the hard part. I only have 2 people who confirmed that they would b...

This month has been super busy, filled with activities for Global Engagement Month, where international students represent their home countries and share their cultures with the rest of the college. I headed the Indian group, contributing to a total of 4 activities.  First, it started out with an Art Walk, where we displayed pictures and other art forms. I wrote a poem about Chennai, and one of my friends submitted a couple of pictures.  Second, there were the culture booths. These were booths where each country had an interactive art for people to take part in. There were friendship bracelets from Colombia, bookmarks from Mongolia, Korea, and opera masks from China. The Indian booth had mehendi, which a friend and I did for anyone interested. They were open for 2 hours on both days, and I am proud to say that India's booth was the most popular. By that, I mean that there was a constant flow of people wanting to get mehendi.  Third was the Diwali kolam. This was meant to ...

Today, I had the privilege of visiting a nearby school again to read stories to the children there. This time, I had 4 energetic second graders in my group. (They love animal books and I was well prepared).  Before the sesson, I went to the education department's little collection of picture books and picked out some fresh books, apart from the ones I had from the previous session. My favorite was the "Curious George." The reason behind that is that my little sister loved watching that series and I remember watching it with her. I knew I had to read that book to the children. Second, I picked out a book about Olivia the pig, for the same reason as before.  The third book I read was a little more interesting. It was a book called 'The Book With No Pictures.' At first the kids were a little hesitant, but I had just read that book last night and I knew they would love it. I was right. So, this book had one rule, that the reader had to read every single word on the pa...

Taylor Swift's track 5s are known for being very emotional and heart-touching. 'Eldest Daughter' from The Life of a Showgirl is no different.  I feel like this song is an anthem for every eldest daughter. The girl who has to be her parents' son, while trying to maintain her femininity in a man's world. She has to be reliable, and she can never let anyone down. They have to keep their word and set an example for everyone else. She can't express herself without feeling guilty that she is breaking her vows.  She had to grow up too soon, hiding things that she liked. She had to take care of herself when the younger child was born. She had to hide bad things from the other children, which is an incredible burden to place on a child.  When she says 'every eldest daughter was the first lamb to the slaughter,' it reminds me of how parents use their first children to learn how to be parents. They try things out on their first child and learn how to parent their n...

There has been a lot of controversy about Taylor Swift's new album, The Life of A Showgirl. People say it's not her best work. They say her lyricism is slipping and it's not 'Taylor.' They think it's not worth all the hype around it.  I, however, love this album. It shows people that she is happy. Taylor is known for writing devastatingly sad breakup songs. Her songs move people to tears all the time. She is known for catchy and upbeat tunes, and the lyrics are addictive. People think this album does not meet her own standards.  Who said happy songs can't make someone cry? The first time I heard the song 'Actually Romantic,' I was about to cry. This album shows that she isn't the broken-hearted girl anymore. She is moving on to better, happier times. At first glance, the album sounds ethereal. Even before you look at the lyrics, the music is calming and I felt my heartbeat slow down and calm down. I love that effect that this album had on me.  As...

Today, I finally had the opportunity to explore some of Longview. This morning, I thought the day was going to be extremely boring. I lounged around until lunch and then I started doing mehendi on my hand. (I upgraded from sketching on a book to sketching on my hand). One of my friends was in my room and I did some on her hand as well. She agreed to be my test subject.  Just as I was settling in, another friend of mine called me and asked if I wanted to join her and another friend to go thrift shopping. I hadn't showered yet and my hand had mehendi on it. But, I said yes. I quickly changed my top and ran out to her car. The thrift store was amazing. I found some cool clothes. Then we went on a quick grocery run. After that, she invited me to join in for pizza night and some games with friends. These were the people I went shooting with yesterday, so I was comfortable there.  After dinner and games, I asked if someone could take me to a store called 'Spirit Halloween,' where...

There is this club on campus called MuKappa. It's run by two missionaries, Uncle Tuck and Aunt Becky. They host pizza nights almost every weekend, chai nights, and international dinners. Today, they took us all to a friend's ranch to shoot.  It started out with a super fun ride in a pickup truck. It had a bench seat and I was right in the middle. It was amazing and such a rush. We arrived in style and I was greeted by a big, very enthusiastic dog. He came bounding over and almost knocked me over. We went out to the field and some people were already enthusiastic and ready to shoot. I, however, was a little nervous. I was sitting in the field, waiting, and the same friendly dog decided he really liked me. He came over to me again and I petted him. However, he wanted more. He climbed over me, stepping over me. It was hilarious and a bit too much at the same time. I leaned back, hoping he would leave, but he walked all over me. That happened again a while later.  Then, it was tim...

This morning, I had an activity in class. It was to list all the types of people at LeTourneau in two minutes. We were going to see who could list the most in this time. (I won by the way.) It was interesting to see how many different types of people there were, all in one small place.  I listed out things like 'where is your bag,' 'huge water bottle,' 'sleepy,' 'always on a call, 'texting,' 'chatterbox,' and others. It was really nice to see how all these people had friends who were opposite to them. For example, a sleepy and silent person was friends with someone very talkative.  Similarly, there are people from so many different backgrounds here. There are Americans, Texas natives, international students, and natives from a different nationality originally. All these people living together, interacting with each other, to create this community.  It was really intersting to list them out and then take some time to think about it. When I wro...

A bunch of my friends wanted to watch a Tamil movie today, something with a lot of action and stunts. Now, some of you might be questioning my choice, but... from the limited options I had, I selected Kaala.  I put on the subtitles and watched them become invested in the movie. They soon understood Rajini's aura. They laughed at the stunts when he fought off a horde of 'bad guys' with an umbrella. They enjoyed the songs too.  There were times I thought they might find the movie 'cringey,' particularly the punch dialogues. However, they understood them through the subtitles and clapped when they were delivered. Then, during the climax, I watched them on the edge of their seats, wondering what would happen. When the building exploded at the end of the movie, they all screamed in despair. Earlier, one of my friends said, "Notice how the hero doesn't have a single scratch on him." They tried to repeat the one-liners, even though they had no idea what they ...

As my friends and I made dinner tonight, we played some old Tamil music, from what we'd call the classical age (early 2000s). It has been so so long since I've heard these songs. As they started playing, a smile crept onto my face naturally. I loved listening to that music. It made me forget everything I was thinking about.  I started dancing in the kitchen, not caring who was watching or what they would think. The music was kinda loud, and I couldn't help singing along with it. My friends were surprised at first, as I don't usually sing when I play my music. Today, all I can say is that I needed it today. After a long day inside, alone, the sound of my music was all I needed.  One of the songs was the first song my dad ever played for me. That struck a nerve. Even as I was singing and dancing and 'vibing' to the music, I missed my dad and home. I remembered humming the song with my dad in the car when I didn't even know Tamil. 

I don't know if I will post this, but this is about someone I missed a bit extra today. My version of Captain Cool. I'm not sure if their close friends would describe them the same way, but this is how I view them.  Steadfast, Loyal, Trustworthy, Protective, Safe, Calm, Collected, Captain Cool.  I haven't really spent a lot of time with this person, but they are one of my favorite people in the whole world. They don't know this, but I idolize them. Whenever I get the chance to see them, I run into their arms without hesitation, and everything I felt when I missed them flies away.  As I said, even though we didn't spend a lot of one-on-one time together, their presence was reassuring. It was like there was always someone over there who I knew would come if I called. For a girl just learning to navigate the world, this kind of support system was very important.  The first time I saw them, I was scared, but eventually, it turned into admiration, appreciation, and affec...

So, this post is pretty ironic seeing as how I haven't been able to go out anywhere. However, my friends and I have been trying to make plans to go see the town. We wanted to go to the children's museum, the public library, the local mall, and stores downtown.  The public transport here is not really reliable. This one day, we tried to go to Walmart. We waited for the bus for an hour and the bus went everywhere but the bus stop outside the college. Next is Dollar General. There are two dollar stores newar campus, but unfortunately they do not have groceries.  We checked online for places to go nearby, and found things ranging from outdoor extreme sports to calming parks. One of these days, we will get out and see the town. Right now, I haven't seen anything outside campus.  I'm trying to keep posting continuously, but what can I say... staying inside campus all day is not really that interesting. 

My friends and I cooked dinner today. It was channa masala with rice. With us, there were some Americans who wanted to try Indian food.  After we finished eating, we were all feeling pretty heavy from the chickpeas. I already had plans to make something once we were done, that we could store for the rest of the week when we needed a reprieve from the cafeteria. Inspiration struck and I decided to make some fresh rasam.  You should know, I've only ever made rasam once before, and that was last week. Last week, I followed a recipe, but this week I couldn't find the same one I used last time. I decided to just trust my instincts. I set some water in a pot to boil and added some turmeric powder. I let that boil and cut up some tomatoes. Then, I added tamarind paste to the water. I let it sit for a few minutes and then added the tomatoes. I tossed in some chilli powder, rasam powder, and salt. Then I let that cook while I tempered some oil to add in. And that's that. I didn'...