To Be Chosen

 Today, I got to go to the Bangalore International Short Film Festival (BISFF). I’m the farthest thing from a cinephile, but my college arranged a trip to see some of the screenings.

There was one that really stuck with me. I don’t know the name of it, because we entered the room a bit late. It was set in North India. The movie was about a couple from two different classes - lower and higher. They were trying to get a teaching job in the same city as each other. To do so, they had to bribe a government official.

The man had trouble there, because to arrange the money, he had to sell his father’s shop. This shop meant everything to his father and when he asked his father if he wanted to leave the city, he said no. So here, the man ended up having to choose between the girl he loved and wanted to marry, and his father.

At the same time, the girl would be alientated from or disowned by her family if she married this man. She was willing to do that, but the man wasn’t willing to compromise. This made me think of the responsibility we have to our parents, and to our significant others. Both are big responsibilities, but different and there should be a line drawn there, to differentiate the two.

It also reminded me of this post I keep seeing on Instagram, asking a man who he would choose first… his parents, his wife, or his children. There was a lot of debate about that. I think the wife should come first, because essentially, she’s the one who chooses him. Right. The others don’t. She stands by him through thick and thin while the others will eventually leave him or choose other people over him.

I think this is a battle that a lot of people are dealing with. Where do you draw the line? Of course, parents should be respected, but there should be a way in which you can do that, while still taking care of the person who chose you. You should be able to say no to other people to say yes to them. They should be your number one, because they left everything they know to start a new life with you, in your home, with your parents. That deserves respect and I don’t think a lot of women get that level of respect. People have to understand that they are used to different things, and that their needs have to be satisfied too. They aren’t maids. They are people who choose to trust you with their entire self and life - especially since so many Indian wives are housewives.

Anyway… there were a lot of other really good short films there. But the message that this one had hit hard. (Spoiler Alert): In the end, he chooses his father over the girl who decided she would throw everything away for him.

I know this isn’t something that can be solved just by writing about it, but I wanted to give a voice to someone who might be going through something similar. You are worth it. You deserve respect. You deserve to be chosen and put first.