Catharsis

Today, I wrote something out that has been on my mind for a really long time. It was something I was hesitant about putting out on my laptop. I was worried about the reception it would receive. I was scared about what people would say if they read it. I'd been holding back from writing it out for a long time now. 

Further, the anger from that thing on my mind has kept me going sometimes. I was worried what would happen once I got it out. I expected to feel calm and relieved, like I had physically taken something out of my body. However, I was mistaken. 

I expected to put my laptop down with a sigh of relief, feeling the anger drain out of me. Instead, when I typed out the last word, my eyes filled up with tears. Instead of providing me with catharsis, I ended up reliving those moments and the hurt and anger that had been festering inside poured out through my tears. Every emotion I had been holding back poured out and there was nothing I could do to stop it. 

(PS... the way I understand catharsis is peace and release of bad emotions so calm can set in.)