Losing Your Best Friend

When you lose your best friend, you feel like you lose a part of yourself. You find that everything reminds you of them. You are also reminded of the fact that they aren't around anymore. Everywhere you look, there's only emptiness. 

Imagine your best friend. The one person who you could trust completely. You would quite literally put your life in their hands. You might not have known them for long, but the bonding that you share is inexplicable. They were your constant companion and were pretty much a ray of sunshine. You would turn to them if you needed anything at all. They were your source of inspiration and the only one who kept you going. 

Now, think about this situation. You are the only one who has the time to miss your best friend. All you have is time and that hurts. It hurts so much you feel like tearing your heart out of your chest. You feel like it would be better to simply turn off all your emotions. You feel like a burden. You feel like you are clingy. You feel like you are seeking too much attention. Remember that this person is someone who you used to talk to about every single mundane thing. But now, you find yourself wondering if they could spare the time to listen to you. Whether it's a simple laughing matter or a serious problem. You wonder if it would be distracting for them to have to listen to all you have to say. After all, you still do want the best for them and you don't want to be the reason for their loss of focus. 

In the end, you end up thinking it's for the best if you internalize your emotions - positive or negative. You think it's better if you keep your stories to yourself. You feel like it might not be worth having hope anymore. You feel guilty when you ask them for something. You wonder if you are expecting too much. You wonder if you even have the right to hope or wish or expect. You wonder if you have the right to be mad or sad or just to miss them. 

There is also a small part of you that wonders whether you mean as much to them as they do to you. That's a fear that you just can't shake. No matter how many times they may have reassured you in the past, you feel like you are never enough. And you feel like you aren't worth it. You wonder if they finally realized that and decided to move on. 

The point I'm trying to make here is that when you lose something like that... even though it's involuntary, a piece of you dies with it. I'm not talking about simple friendships here. I'm talking about someone you share a deep emotional connection and understanding with. It's heartbreaking to imagine what your life would be like if they were gone. At this point, you don't even want to look for another friend. You are so scared that things might go in the same direction and you know you just can't take that pain again.