I Just Wanna Be A Girl!

A bunch of my friends wanted to watch a Tamil movie today, something with a lot of action and stunts. Now, some of you might be questioning my choice, but... from the limited options I had, I selected Kaala.  I put on the subtitles and watched them become invested in the movie. They soon understood Rajini's aura. They laughed at the stunts when he fought off a horde of 'bad guys' with an umbrella. They enjoyed the songs too.  There were times I thought they might find the movie 'cringey,' particularly the punch dialogues. However, they understood them through the subtitles and clapped when they were delivered. Then, during the climax, I watched them on the edge of their seats, wondering what would happen. When the building exploded at the end of the movie, they all screamed in despair. Earlier, one of my friends said, "Notice how the hero doesn't have a single scratch on him." They tried to repeat the one-liners, even though they had no idea what they ...

As my friends and I made dinner tonight, we played some old Tamil music, from what we'd call the classical age (early 2000s). It has been so so long since I've heard these songs. As they started playing, a smile crept onto my face naturally. I loved listening to that music. It made me forget everything I was thinking about.  I started dancing in the kitchen, not caring who was watching or what they would think. The music was kinda loud, and I couldn't help singing along with it. My friends were surprised at first, as I don't usually sing when I play my music. Today, all I can say is that I needed it today. After a long day inside, alone, the sound of my music was all I needed.  One of the songs was the first song my dad ever played for me. That struck a nerve. Even as I was singing and dancing and 'vibing' to the music, I missed my dad and home. I remembered humming the song with my dad in the car when I didn't even know Tamil. 

I don't know if I will post this, but this is about someone I missed a bit extra today. My version of Captain Cool. I'm not sure if their close friends would describe them the same way, but this is how I view them.  Steadfast, Loyal, Trustworthy, Protective, Safe, Calm, Collected, Captain Cool.  I haven't really spent a lot of time with this person, but they are one of my favorite people in the whole world. They don't know this, but I idolize them. Whenever I get the chance to see them, I run into their arms without hesitation, and everything I felt when I missed them flies away.  As I said, even though we didn't spend a lot of one-on-one time together, their presence was reassuring. It was like there was always someone over there who I knew would come if I called. For a girl just learning to navigate the world, this kind of support system was very important.  The first time I saw them, I was scared, but eventually, it turned into admiration, appreciation, and affec...

So, this post is pretty ironic seeing as how I haven't been able to go out anywhere. However, my friends and I have been trying to make plans to go see the town. We wanted to go to the children's museum, the public library, the local mall, and stores downtown.  The public transport here is not really reliable. This one day, we tried to go to Walmart. We waited for the bus for an hour and the bus went everywhere but the bus stop outside the college. Next is Dollar General. There are two dollar stores newar campus, but unfortunately they do not have groceries.  We checked online for places to go nearby, and found things ranging from outdoor extreme sports to calming parks. One of these days, we will get out and see the town. Right now, I haven't seen anything outside campus.  I'm trying to keep posting continuously, but what can I say... staying inside campus all day is not really that interesting. 

My friends and I cooked dinner today. It was channa masala with rice. With us, there were some Americans who wanted to try Indian food.  After we finished eating, we were all feeling pretty heavy from the chickpeas. I already had plans to make something once we were done, that we could store for the rest of the week when we needed a reprieve from the cafeteria. Inspiration struck and I decided to make some fresh rasam.  You should know, I've only ever made rasam once before, and that was last week. Last week, I followed a recipe, but this week I couldn't find the same one I used last time. I decided to just trust my instincts. I set some water in a pot to boil and added some turmeric powder. I let that boil and cut up some tomatoes. Then, I added tamarind paste to the water. I let it sit for a few minutes and then added the tomatoes. I tossed in some chilli powder, rasam powder, and salt. Then I let that cook while I tempered some oil to add in. And that's that. I didn'...

Y'know when you've had one of those days that just keeps going on and on and on. You're tired all day. Your body feels heavy. You are surrounded by people, but you feel alone. You are constantly looking for something, but it's nowhere to be found. You inhale deeply, looking for a familiar smell, but you come up empty. Yea... that's the day I'm having today. I wasn't even sure what to write about, but I'm writing to stay consistent. (I should get some brownie points for this.)  Well... I did attend classes. No bunking. I finished all my homework for the week last night. (Here, we have homework for the entire semester, assignments and activities, planned out in detail so we can get them done on time.) I've got two essays to write. I might as well get started on that.  If anyone's reading this, send me a text please. I'm craving some human interaction from home. 🥺🥺🥺

My college here has an education department that was conducting this super fun activity. We were going to a primary school for a storytime session. (Does that sound familiar?) So, a bunch of girls and I, along with a professor, went to a nearby primary school, and we were assigned a small group of kids to read to. The previous day, we were asked to pick out a bunch of picture books that we could use to read to those children. I picked out about 8-9 books, as instructed, and put them in a special book bag.  The kids were so tiny and absolutely adorable. I had three kids in my group: Jeremiah, Zavira, and Armani. They huddled around me, trying to sit close and were very excited about the book I was going to read with them. The first book I read was about animal sounds. I asked the kids to make animal sounds and they obliged. As I turned the page and each animal came up, they interacted with the book by making the sound that the animal did. They tried to imitate me as I made the sound...

The theme of my English Composition class is 'play and precision.' For the past few weeks, we have been focusing on the 'precision' part of it, but today, my professor decided to let us 'play.' Quite literally.  He brought toys from home, like puzzles, dinosaurs, play-dough, coloring books, jenga, etc. He had them in a huge bag and handed them out to us. He called it 'play time.' The entire class of college students turned into their 5-6 year old selves and dove in.  After play time, he told us to look at some quotes on the wall and tell him what we thought of them. The quote I picked had something to do with make-believe being the heart of play, and the heart of the work we do.  The way I interpreted this was that make-believe meant imagination. We need imagination to play. For example, when we play with dolls, we give them voices and make them act out a scene. We imagine that something is happening in their lives. Then, we also need imagination in work...

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but there is way more homework here than I am used to. Back at home, the concept of homework in college barely exists. Here, I have to write about 8-10 papers in one semester, and about 6-10 assignments per week. That was a huge shock. I thought I'd have a lot of free time here to catch up on other things I'd been meaning to do.  From the very first week of class, we were given assignments and homework. For the first two weeks, I was drowning in assignments, unsure of how to plan and schedule, making sure I would have time for myself while also making sure to do all my homework.  Eventually, I realized that things would be more manageable if I took a few minutes to write down everything I had to do for the week, noting down which assignments could be done in a short time and which ones would take longer. I learned how to do my short assignments in the breaks between classes and in the morning before classes. Instead of doom sc...

Today, I wrote something out that has been on my mind for a really long time. It was something I was hesitant about putting out on my laptop. I was worried about the reception it would receive. I was scared about what people would say if they read it. I'd been holding back from writing it out for a long time now.  Further, the anger from that thing on my mind has kept me going sometimes. I was worried what would happen once I got it out. I expected to feel calm and relieved, like I had physically taken something out of my body. However, I was mistaken.  I expected to put my laptop down with a sigh of relief, feeling the anger drain out of me. Instead, when I typed out the last word, my eyes filled up with tears. Instead of providing me with catharsis, I ended up reliving those moments and the hurt and anger that had been festering inside poured out through my tears. Every emotion I had been holding back poured out and there was nothing I could do to stop it.  (PS... the w...

I am pretty hyper right now.  I had a super long day, but I am very energetic now. I spent 7 hours in the kitchen today, cooking. My friends and I made chapathi, potatoes, and cauliglower manchurian. It took us about 3 hours to make that and then we made cookies. Then we had coffee.  I have a lot of sugar in my system right now and it feels like I want to bounce off the walls to let some steam off.  As I'm writing this, I'm wondering how people get things done with so much sugar and caffeine in their system. To me, unfortunately, I felt even more tired after drinking coffee. I'd appreciate it if someone could please enlighten me on what to do... 

Today, one of my professors told me that in college, you can't plan things out and go accordingly. (This is for hanging out and going out.) So, my friends and I had our whole evening open until a couple of hours ago. We realized we had to go to Walmart for groceries, to a bible study at 4 pm, and pizza night at 6 pm. We were planning on doing nothing all evening and relaxing, but soon, plans fell into place.  So, I think planning is good. It tells you what needs to be done and when it has to be done. It also helps you when someone asks you what you are doing. You can look at your plan and tell them what you will be doing and when you are available. It helps you prepare and make sure everything is ready for an event.  However, a lack of plans is also rejuvenating. You can do what your heart desires, and you don't have any commitments to get things done (during that time). It lets you relax and pursue your hobbies.  So, what is better, having plans or not?

In my poetry class today, we talked about Robert Frost, looking at a lot of his poems. So, we've all heard 'The Road Not Taken' and 'Fire and Ice.' Right? I'm assuming yes.  So... today, I learned that what we were taught in school was just the basics. I thought Robert Frost's poetry was easy to read, understand, and analyze. Little did I know how much more there was. Today, I read poems like 'Mending Wall,' 'After Apple Picking,' 'Birches,' and others. Now, I thought these would be easy as well. At first glance, I understood them. However, as my professor taught them to us, there were so many nuances that I missed. There were so many personal connections to the author and so many symbols and connections between poems. There were also religious undertones, despite Frost being an agnostic.  I realized that even the easiest poems have a lot to think about. For example, even 'The Road Not Taken' is unclear in the ending, accordin...

As part of my Introduction to Literary Theory class, I had to read Sidney's 'Defence of Poesy.' Now, this post isn't about that work, but about what I think of poetry.  I think poetry is emotion. It is a way that someone can let loose and let themselves feel. It's a way to explain what can't be explained in prose and a way of showing how beautiful things can be, even if they are bad.  Poetry is not something that influences anyone, but it is something that can make readers think. It is not a way of influencing readers, but of provoking thought. Writing poetry is cathartic in the sense that it allows poets to express their thoughts, which might not be acceptable in other contexts.  To me, poetry is a way of telling people that I am hurt or that I want to share something, without having to do it directly. When I'm sad and can't write prose, poetry is easier because it does not need to be grammatical. I can use words the way I want, and it would be consider...

SAGA is what students call the cafeteria here. There was once a catering company named SAGA. No one knows what it actually stood for. However, the food was so bad that the students back then came up with a new meaning for the acronym. "The Soviet Attempt to Gag Americans."  I believe it is rightly named, not just Americans, but gag anyone. I shouldn't be complaining about food, but I can't help it right now. The food is often undercooked. The vegetables are raw, and it's not just the tomatoes and onions, it's mushrooms as well. Then, it's bland. There is no pepper or spice in the food, and the pepper on the tables do not serve.  Next, the food is sometimes mislabelled. A couple days ago, there was a board that said 'Naan bread, Punjabi tofu curry, Chicken tikka masala, and Cucumber raita.' I knew it wouldn't taste like actual Indian food, but I thought it would be close. But... it was tacos, corn, nachos, and baked beans. Nothing close to what ...

Today, I'm starting a part time job at the writing center. So, what is a writing center you might ask.  It's a place where students can come in to get their writing polished. We answer their questions and check to see if their writing meets the demands of their assignment. If not, we teach them how to fix it. Now, we don't rewrite it for them, but rather, we show them how to fix their writing. This way, we teach the writer, not the writing.  I'm super excited about this. I get to assist people to do something I love. I love writing and do it willingly. However, I know that writing, especially in English for international students, is hard. I'm looking forward to helping people love something I love, or at least making it easier for them.  Wish me luck!  (I know my posts are getting smaller as they go on, but there is a lot more homework here than I am used to and I'm trying to adapt to that.)

Cooking is an art and I am becoming an artist.  I never used to cook much back home, but now, it has become a skill necessary to survive in this new country. My friends and I are yet to adjust to the food here. We feel like it's greasy and bland. We can manage to eat it for a few days in a row, but eventually, it becomes hard to digest. Now that's where cooking comes in.  Today, the menu was paneer butter masala and chapathi for lunch and tamarind rice for dinner. I was pretty pleased with the results. When I tasted the food, I felt closer to home. It made me feel warm inside. Even though I haven't cooked before, I managed to make something that resembled what I was used to. I was also really happy that I could give that feeling of home food to my friends.